2nd Annual Purple Tie Ball
Can't make the event but would like to donate? Your donation contributes to programs in support of individuals impacted by domestic violence like our emergency hotel/motel shelter program, scholarship program for the students who are affected of domestic violence and its effects. Help us invest in our women and youth by making your tax deductible donation today! Click Here.
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Advertised throughout the year in publications, direct mail, web and email campaigns, social media, and mobile marketing. Whether an attendee, exhibitor and/or sponsor, our annual ball is a great opportunity to meet and interact with passionate people supporting individuals impacted by violence and sexual assault, while getting your company or agency known.
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Are You a Victim of Domestic Violence?Every relationship involves at least some conflict around opinions, ideas, and life choices. In a healthy relationship, communication is honest and respectful, you trust one another, and you are equal partners when you make decisions. In an abusive relationship, however, communication is hurtful or tears you down. There is a lack of trust. And your partner may try to control what you do or make all the final decisions alone.
As you think about your own relationship, here are some signs that could indicate your relationship is abusive:
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Someone I Know Is In an Abusive Relationship. What Can I Do?When you realize that someone in your life is in an abusive or controlling relationship, it can be hard to know how to help.
Maybe you worry that it is too private or it isn’t your business. Perhaps you have a good reason to be suspicious, but you don’t have any evidence to confirm that what you suspect is real. Or maybe you’ve tried telling the victim to leave and they get angry with you instead. How can you make a difference? Here are some ideas to help you move from being a bystander to being a source of support and information for the victim.
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Abusive BehaviorsThere are many ways an abuser can use power and control over their victim. Abusive behaviors can be physical, psychological, emotional, or financial. Maybe your partner does not engage in all of the behaviors listed here, or maybe they use some behaviors more than others, but if any or several of these behaviors are present in your relationship, your relationship may have become abusive.
Abusive behaviors includes:
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Note: Our intention is to provide the above information as a guide to understanding domestic violence in context. Because every situation is different, and the spectrum of domestic violence is broad, not all of these examples or theories apply to everyone.
Why They Stay
Domestic Violence Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior with the effect of establishing Power and Control by one person over another person through fear and intimidation. Abuse happens when batterers believe that they have the right to control their partners. Not all domestic violence is physical. It may also include emotional, mental, verbal, sexual, financial, bullying, and stalking.Click on the titles below to learn more.
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The Warning Signs of Abuse
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner:
Basic Warning Signs for Professionals
Domestic violence is not limited to “certain groups.” It is difficult to predict who may be a batterer and who may be a victim of domestic violence. There are no typical characteristics or profiles of abusers or victims. Abusers may appear very charming or may seem like angry, explosive individuals. Victims may seem passive or extremely frightened or they may be very angry about what is happening.
- Controls what you do, whom you see, and where you go
- Calls you names, puts you down, or humiliates you
- Makes you feel ashamed, isolated, wrong, stupid, scared, worthless, or crazy
- Acts jealous, accuses you unjustly of cheating, flirting, or having affairs
- Threatens you or makes you feel afraid
- Punishes you by withholding affection
- Constantly criticizes you and your children
- Blames you for arguments or problems in the relationship
- Makes non-verbal gestures intended to intimidate you
- Isolates you from friends or family
- Makes you feel guilty for spending time with someone else
- Threatens to take the children from you
- Monitors your phone calls
- Continually tracks your whereabouts by cell phone, pager, text messaging or GPS system
- Causes problems for you at work or at school
- Continually harasses you at work either by telephone, fax, or e-mail
- Takes your money, withholds money, makes you ask for money, or makes you account for the money you spend. Spends large sums of money and refuses to tell you why or what the money was spent on
- Refuses to let you sleep at night
- Uses your immigration status or personal history against you
- Tells you that he cannot live without you and threatens suicide if you leave
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner:
- Throws or breaks objects, punches walls, kicks doors in your home during arguments
- Destroys your personal property or sentimental items
- Pushes, slaps, bites, kicks or chokes you
- Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you or your children
- Drives recklessly with you/and or your children in the car during an argument
- Threatens to hurt or hurts pets
- Forces or pressures you to have sex against your will. Prevents you from using birth control or from having safe sex. Makes you do things during sex that make you feel uncomfortable.
- Traps you in your home or keeps you from leaving
- Tells you that you will never belong to anyone else or that you will never be allowed to leave the relationship
- Prevents you from calling the police or seeking medical attention.
- Withholds your medication
Basic Warning Signs for Professionals
Domestic violence is not limited to “certain groups.” It is difficult to predict who may be a batterer and who may be a victim of domestic violence. There are no typical characteristics or profiles of abusers or victims. Abusers may appear very charming or may seem like angry, explosive individuals. Victims may seem passive or extremely frightened or they may be very angry about what is happening.
- The most obvious signs of domestic violence will be evidence of severe, recurring, or life-threatening abuse (broken bones, repeated bruises, threats with weapons, etc.)
- Domestic violence may also be emotional or psychological abuse where one partner continually degrades, criticizes, or belittles the other or accuses the other of being stupid, unattractive, unfaithful, a bad parent, etc.
- Many batterers use the legal system to punish their partners for taking steps to free themselves of the abuse.
- Batterers use issues arising from custody and visitation cases to try to re-establish control over their partners.
- Batterers frequently display extreme jealousy
- Batterers often discourage their victims from seeking help. People who have difficulty making or keeping appointments may be trying to avoid letting their abusers know they are seeking help.
- Batterers frequently insist on accompanying their victims to appointments even if they are not involved in the case. The batterer may refuse to leave the victim alone and may try to speak for the victim in order to control the information the victim shares.
- Batterers harass, stalk and keep tabs on their victims. If someone reports constant phone calls, text messaging, etc. at home or at work to keep track of their whereabouts, this could be a sign of domestic violence.
- Batterers try to isolate their victims from emotional support systems or sources of help.
AWARENESS
Awareness1.1. Domestic Violence Dimensions
1.1.1. Responding to Domestic Violence: An Interfaith Guide to Prevention and Intervention, Chicago Metropolitan Battered Women’s Network. This document provides an excellent overview of domestic violence issues (PDF)
1.1.2. “Cycle of Violence,” Life Span (PDF)
1.1.3. “Do’s and Don’ts with a Battered Woman,” Faith and Trust Institute. (.pptx)
1.1.4. Domestic Violence First Person Account: Leslie Morgan Steiner’s Story; Could you graduate from Harvard and not recognize that you are an abused woman? (Watch Video)
1.1.5. Domestic Violence First Person Account: Nicci’s Story; Could your boyfriend beat you up and you apologize to him? Could you not know that you are an abused teen? (Watch Video)
1.1.6. Domestic Violence First Person Accounts: “Sin by Silence.” This heart-wrenching DVD relates the stories of women victims of domestic violence who were driven to desperate actions. Abusive relationships sometime last for decades. This DVD is available for purchase at (www.sinbysilence.com)
1.1.7. Power and Control Wheel, Domestic Violence Intervention Programs (www.theduluthmodel.org)
1.1.8. Safety Planning for Survivors, Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence (.doc)
1.1.9. National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). This survey provides most current, reliable measures of intimate partner violence (PDF)
1.1.10. Ending Violence Against Women, Center for Health and Gender Equity,Johns Hopkins University School of Public Health. The presence of intimate partner violence varies greatly from culture to culture around the world. Culture influences what children learn about violence against women (PDF)
1.1.11. Women Healing the Wounds, National Council of Catholic Women. This brochure discusses domestic violence and dating violence dimensions. It explores awareness, services and prevention (PDF)
1.1.12. 2015 NO MÁS Study: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault in the U.S. Latina Community. This article describes the study and reveals the scope of domestic violence and sexual assault in the Latina community (nomore.org)
1.2. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)
This is a 1994 federal law that responds to domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking
1.2.1. VAWA Background (Link)
1.2.2. VAWA and Immigration Status: VAWA has a broad scope and it provides relief for certain domestic and human trafficking victims who are not citizens of the United States. (icwclaw.org)
1.2.3. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services: See Humanitarian for specifics (www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis)
1.3. Human Trafficking
Human trafficking uses force, fraud, or coercion to enslave women, men, and children for the purpose of sexual exploitation or forced labor or services. Human trafficking is slavery. United States citizen protected under U.S. law. Federal law also offers protection and visas to non-citizen victims of human trafficking and other crimes.
1.3.1. National Human Trafficking Resource Center (polarisproject.org/national-human-trafficking-resource-center)
1.3.2. “Recognizing the Signs,” National Human Trafficking Resource Center (polarisproject.org/recognize-signs)
1.1.1. Responding to Domestic Violence: An Interfaith Guide to Prevention and Intervention, Chicago Metropolitan Battered Women’s Network. This document provides an excellent overview of domestic violence issues (PDF)
1.1.2. “Cycle of Violence,” Life Span (PDF)
1.1.3. “Do’s and Don’ts with a Battered Woman,” Faith and Trust Institute. (.pptx)
1.1.4. Domestic Violence First Person Account: Leslie Morgan Steiner’s Story; Could you graduate from Harvard and not recognize that you are an abused woman? (Watch Video)
1.1.5. Domestic Violence First Person Account: Nicci’s Story; Could your boyfriend beat you up and you apologize to him? Could you not know that you are an abused teen? (Watch Video)
1.1.6. Domestic Violence First Person Accounts: “Sin by Silence.” This heart-wrenching DVD relates the stories of women victims of domestic violence who were driven to desperate actions. Abusive relationships sometime last for decades. This DVD is available for purchase at (www.sinbysilence.com)
1.1.7. Power and Control Wheel, Domestic Violence Intervention Programs (www.theduluthmodel.org)
1.1.8. Safety Planning for Survivors, Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence (.doc)
1.1.9. National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). This survey provides most current, reliable measures of intimate partner violence (PDF)
1.1.10. Ending Violence Against Women, Center for Health and Gender Equity,Johns Hopkins University School of Public Health. The presence of intimate partner violence varies greatly from culture to culture around the world. Culture influences what children learn about violence against women (PDF)
1.1.11. Women Healing the Wounds, National Council of Catholic Women. This brochure discusses domestic violence and dating violence dimensions. It explores awareness, services and prevention (PDF)
1.1.12. 2015 NO MÁS Study: Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault in the U.S. Latina Community. This article describes the study and reveals the scope of domestic violence and sexual assault in the Latina community (nomore.org)
1.2. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)
This is a 1994 federal law that responds to domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking
1.2.1. VAWA Background (Link)
1.2.2. VAWA and Immigration Status: VAWA has a broad scope and it provides relief for certain domestic and human trafficking victims who are not citizens of the United States. (icwclaw.org)
1.2.3. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services: See Humanitarian for specifics (www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis)
1.3. Human Trafficking
Human trafficking uses force, fraud, or coercion to enslave women, men, and children for the purpose of sexual exploitation or forced labor or services. Human trafficking is slavery. United States citizen protected under U.S. law. Federal law also offers protection and visas to non-citizen victims of human trafficking and other crimes.
1.3.1. National Human Trafficking Resource Center (polarisproject.org/national-human-trafficking-resource-center)
1.3.2. “Recognizing the Signs,” National Human Trafficking Resource Center (polarisproject.org/recognize-signs)
