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AUTHOR BEV GILLIARD

Brilliant Quotes

8/26/2019

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"There is no passion to be found playing small -in settling for a life that is less than you are capable of living."
Nelson Mandela

"It always seems impossible until it is done."
Nelson Mandela

"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away."
Anonymous

"Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it.”
Wilfred Peterson

"Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves."
James Barrie

"Everybody can be great... because anybody can serve."
Martin Luther King

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."
Albert Einstein

"No fine work can be done without concentration and self-sacrifice and toil and doubt."
Max Beerbohm

"If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential. For the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible!"
Soren Kierkegaard

"If you are called to be a street sweeper, you should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry."
Martin Luther King

"The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit."
Mark Twain

"The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows, it is what a man or woman is able to do that counts."
Booker T Washington

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
George Elliot

"Twenty years from now you'll be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
Mark Twain

"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total of all those acts will be written the history of this generation."
Robert F. Kennedy

"There is nothing in life so difficult that it cannot be overcome. This faith can move mountains. It can change people. It can change the world."
Norman Vincent Peale
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QPR Gatekeeper Suicide Prevention Training

6/16/2019

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Author Bev Gilliard is a certified QPR Suicide Prevention Instructor.

What is QPR?
​

QPR Gatekeeper training (the acronym stands for Question, Persuade, Refer) is one of several suicide prevention training programs developed by the QPR Institute.
There is a good summary of the program on their website. The course covers:
  • How to Question, Persuade and Refer someone who may be suicidal
  • How to get help for yourself or learn more about preventing suicide
  • The common causes of suicidal behavior
  • The warning signs of suicide
  • How to get help for someone in crisis
The course costs $29.95 on the QPR website but it is offered for free by some organizations.

Who is it for?

A Gatekeeper is someone in a position to recognize a crisis and the warning signs that someone may be contemplating suicide. According to the website, Gatekeepers include parents, friends, neighbors, teachers, ministers, doctors, nurses, office supervisors ... pretty much any of us, in fact.
Our mission is to save lives and reduce suicidal behaviors by providing innovative, practical and proven suicide prevention training. We believe that quality education empowers all people, regardless of their background, to make a positive difference in the life of someone they know.

What is it like?

This is a self-paced online course which will take around an hour to complete (you can stop the course and come back to it later). There is a multi-choice test at the end (pass mark 80%). You can review the course modules and retake the exam as many times as necessary.

There is a printable certificate on successful completion, downloadable resources and a free downloadable book, Suicide: The Forever Decision by Paul G. Quinnett (this book also can be downloaded for free from the QPR store page).

Having taken the two day Suicide Prevention Instructor Training, I found QPR a valuable refresher and it would be a useful introduction to the subject.

QPR focuses on recognizing that someone may be experiencing suicidal thoughts, and engaging positively with them. QPR place significant emphasis on confirming whether, in fact, the person is thinking of taking their life, if necessary by asking the question plainly. QPR is clear that it teaches how to recognize and confirm the presence of suicidal thinking, but not how to assess the severity of that risk. Once suicidal thinking has been confirmed (the Question part) the emphasis is on persuading the person to seek help, and referring them on for professional support.

It is hard to put a price on information that could potentially save lives, but I do feel the cost of the course on the QPR website ($29.95) is high for a short online course and could dissuade people from taking it (but note that some organisations offer the QPR Gatekeeper course for free.

Related programs

The Institute offers a range of specialized courses including:

  • Suicide Triage Training
  • Suicide Risk Assessment and Management Training
  • QPR Training Targeting Alcohol, Drugs, and Suicide
  • Online Counseling and Suicide Intervention Specialist
  • Counseling Suicidal People: A Therapy of Hope
  • Suicide Risk Assessment Competency Certification Exam
  • Ethics and Suicide

Bev's Next Free Training will be held at Ellenwood Public Library, Ellenwood, Georgia on July 18, 2019 from 1 p.m. to 3:30 p.m.


Useful links
  • QPR Institute website: www.qprinstitute.com
  • ​National Violence Prevention: www.1nvp.org
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Book Your Speakers Early

9/9/2018

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Don't Wait to promote your speaker. You have strategized your event or meeting theme and selected the perfect speaker. for your occasion. By doing this early, you get the maximum opportunity to promote your event. Sometimes we hear clients say, “I wish we’d done this sooner so I could promote the event more.” For our corporate clients, there is value added for their internal teams when the decision can be made early because it allows more time to align the message. TTherefore book early!

Start the New Year off ahead of the game! The new year always seem to catch everybody swamped and trying to get ahead of the game. However, with proper planning you can have an awesome start to your new year! If you want to have your speaker selection complete when you return from the holidays, you need to begin the process early. I love the thrill of the last minute hunt, but as I said before, first choices speakers do get booked early, sometimes a year in advance. Plan ahead! I encourage you to get your speakers booked before Thanksgiving for the upcoming year. The process goes into slow motion over the holidays. Let’s get everything inked so we can all enjoy the holidays.

Don’t let the speaker selection become a “derailing” part of your planning. What do I mean? Scrambling at the end for a speaker takes away valuable time from other work you need to be doing. This is when having a trusted bureau partner is so important. I see it as my job to “push” you to ensure the speaker decision is made early enough to allow you to invest your last weeks leading up to an event on your internal speeches, the details and ensuring your team is ready. Also, you don't want to call to book and hear, "Sorry, that date is gone."

There are so many benefits to getting the speaker decision made early because we know it is only one part of the overall success of your meeting. Additionally, you want to give your speaker enough time to adequately prepare to address your audience.

Also, you will need to be focusing on: What are you doing for fun i.e. entertainment? Who is going to emcee the event? We can help with those items as well. The important point to remember about this blog… let’s get it started now!!

Bev Gilliard welcomes your feedback and discussion on our blog!  Thank you.
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Evaluate Your  Influences

7/24/2018

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Motivational speaker Bev Gilliard once said, “You are the average of the people you spend the most time with, it is okay to tell some people they cannot go with you on your journey and then change your number.” You will find that these words will definitely ring true as you move closer towards your success.

Therefore, if you want to be successful, spend more time with like minded people who you feel are successful or striving for the success you desire for yourself. Preferably, join a community where you can learn and grow professionally. A community of people who have already achieved what you dream to accomplish, and not those who are sitting around complaining but doing nothing to move forward.

Your vision should be propelled — not hindered — by people around you that are weighing you down with negativity, "you can't or I can't" attitude, or just gossiping and being an energy drainer. Also, don’t let others’ comments get in the way of what you want to accomplish. There will always be nay Sayers comparing themselves to you, hindering your drive for success and growth, or pointing out all the mountains you have to climb to get to the top but not offering you any solutions how to make the climb. Get rid of them, and instead of spending your time with people and things that hold you back, fire them and don’t look back. Up-level your network by seeking out mentors, coaches, and peers who support your vision and goals.
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Being Time Wise

7/24/2018

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Be cognizant of how you spend your time.

It is important to be mindful how you spend each day. When you think of budgeting, money isn’t the only resource that should come to mind. In personal finance, time is every bit as important as money, but only you can place an accurate value on it. The financial equivalent of an hour of your time is determined by how wisely you spend it – the more you plan your time and allocate it to productive activities, the more it’s worth. So if you’re looking to squeeze more value out of each hour in your day, try some of these tips to keep you aware of the way you spend your time – and help you spend your time wisely.

Think of your days in terms of minutes. There are 1,440 minutes in a day — one-third of which you spend sleeping. After that, you’re left with about 960 minutes. If you commute to work for an hour each way, then you lose another 120 minutes. Take away the time spent on an 8-hour work shift, and you’re left with only about 360 minutes. Oh, and don’t forget mealtimes. Now you’re left with only 180 minutes of free time per day. That translates to just 3 hours. So, how are you spending those precious hours?


Budget Your Time Wisely
Based on your daily goals and needs, block out your day and allocate time to each goal or need on your lists. Don’t think too hard about it; just use an online calendar or planner and write down your goals and needs next to the appropriate time markers. The process should be short and satisfying, providing you with a way to hold yourself accountable for your time while helping you manage it in an efficient and effective way. Once you’ve developed your time budget, or schedule, stick to it as much as possible. If you’re employed by someone else, your efficiency could be recognized for a promotion; if you’re self-employed, you’ll literally give yourself more time in which to make money. Either way, you can’t lose.

Also, Your mindset will shift once you realize the instrumental value of your own time. Do not spend endless hours watching television or on social media, as doing so was a real drain your time. Simple changes like leveraging technology to automate tasks and using a productivity planner will completely transformed the way you handle your daily obligations. 


Stop Procrastinating
Try to stay focused on what you need to do. Procrastination is a dangerous waste of time and, subsequently, money. Don’t leave your email open all day – just check it every hour or two and respond to messages right away. You should also avoid checking social networking sites, reading the news online, and anything else that causes a chain reaction of unproductive clicking.

Don’t Lose Sight of Your Own Needs
It’s impossible to be 100% efficient, so give yourself a break every once in a while. You’re a person with individual needs, and no one knows what those needs are better than you do. Make a list of what you need on a daily basis, such as a lunch break, a few shorter breaks throughout the day, a cup of tea, a little music, or a few minutes to chat with coworkers or friends. Now, go through the same process of prioritizing them and deciding what you need to do throughout the day to keep you functioning at a high yet comfortable level.

Before going to bed, always plan out the next day in writing. You can even plan for the next few months. If you don’t leverage your time, growing and scaling a business will be an impossible feat. If you don’t give it all away, you’ll find that you actually do have enough time in the day.
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Suicide Warning Signs

7/24/2018

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Suicide.org offers these Suicide Warning Signs:
  • Appearing depressed or sad most of the time.
    (Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.)
  • Talking or writing about death or suicide.
  • Withdrawing from family and friends.
  • Feeling hopeless.
  • Feeling helpless.
  • Feeling strong anger or rage.
  • Feeling trapped — like there is no way out of a situation.
  • Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
  • Abusing drugs or alcohol.
  • Exhibiting a change in personality.
  • Acting impulsively.
  • Losing interest in most activities.
  • Experiencing a change in sleeping habits.
  • Experiencing a change in eating habits.
  • Losing interest in most activities.
  • Performing poorly at work or in school.
  • Giving away prized possessions.
  • Writing a will.
  • Feeling excessive guilt or shame.
  • Acting recklessly.

​It should be noted that some people who die by suicide do not show any suicide warning signs.

But about 75 percent of those who die by suicide do exhibit some suicide warning signs, so we need to be aware of what the suicide warning signs are and try to spot them in people. If we do see someone exhibiting suicide warning signs, we need to do everything that we can to help them.
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Suicide Prevention

7/24/2018

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Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. It accounts for the loss of more than 38,000 American lives each year, more than DOUBLE the number of lives lost to homicide.  We cannot keep quiet on this issue; Our community has felt the impact and we need to be aware of prevention  and how to deal with the losses we have been forced to suffer.  We must bring light into the corners of this heartbreaking fact. 

Those that are left behind do not always get the help they need due to the stigma that they feel still surrounds suicide. Many blame themselves. 

​The Mayo Clinic offers this information to those left to deal with the incredible loss:


Brace for powerful emotions

A loved one’s suicide can trigger intense emotions. For example:
  • Shock. Disbelief and emotional numbness might set in. You might think that your loved one’s suicide couldn’t possibly be real.
 
  • Anger. You might be angry with your loved one for abandoning you or leaving you with a legacy of grief — or angry with yourself or others for missing clues about suicidal intentions.
 
  • Guilt. You might replay “what if” and “if only” scenarios in your mind, blaming yourself for your loved one’s death.
 
  • Despair. You might be gripped by sadness, loneliness or helplessness. You might have a physical collapse or even consider suicide yourself.

You might continue to experience intense reactions during the weeks and months after your loved one’s suicide — including nightmares, flashbacks, difficulty concentrating, social withdrawal and loss of interest in usual activities — especially if you witnessed or discovered the suicide.

For more information on suicide or for training, please visit: National Violence Prevention at www.1nvp.org

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Healthy Coping Strategies

7/24/2018

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The aftermath of a loved one’s suicide can be physically and emotionally exhausting. As you work through your grief, be careful to protect your own well-being.
​
  • Keep in touch. Reach out to loved ones, friends and spiritual leaders for comfort, understanding and healing. Surround yourself with people who are willing to listen when you need to talk, as well as those who’ll simply offer a shoulder to lean on when you’d rather be silent.
 
  • Grieve in your own way. Do what’s right for you, not necessarily someone else. If you find it too painful to visit your loved one’s grave site or share the details of your loved one’s death, wait until you’re ready.
 
  • Be prepared for painful reminders. Anniversaries, holidays and other special occasions can be painful reminders of your loved one’s suicide. Don’t chide yourself for being sad or mournful. Instead, consider changing or suspending family traditions that are too painful to continue.
 
  • Don’t rush yourself. Losing someone to suicide is a tremendous blow, and healing must occur at its own pace. Don’t be hurried by anyone else’s expectations that it’s been “long enough.”
 
  • Expect setbacks. Some days will be better than others, even years after the suicide — and that’s OK. Healing doesn’t often happen in a straight line.
 
  • Consider a support group for families affected by suicide. Sharing your story with others who are experiencing the same type of grief might help you find a sense of purpose or strength.
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Seeing Just the "Hope" In Your Hopelessness

7/24/2018

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Many times we find our self so broken after a tragic event. It becomes difficult for us to cope, or to find ourselves out the hopelessness of our situation. These are times when we must learn to refocus. Meaning, change the way we are looking at the things that are affecting our lives and take an inventory of what needs to stay, and what needs to go.

Even more important, we have to give ourselves some permissions:
  1. Permission to take some time out to just pray and commune with God, to find peace and hope in hopelessness.
  2. Permission to take the steps necessary to move towards the life that fills you with joy
  3. Permission to love yourself unconditionally and ask for help when you need it.  It will be hard to ask for help, but do it anyway..
  4. Permission to rid ourselves of any excess baggage in our life that is weighing us down, whether that baggage is a family member, friend, job, a bill, whatever, it is, get rid of it.
  5. Permission to lose some phone numbers of people who only call when they need something, and are very draining, lose their number
  6. Permission to tell people holding us back that they cannot go with us any further on our journey. Listen to the voice that comes from your heart. That voice knows you. That voice will guide you.
  7. Permission to do something good for yourself daily, learn something new, go back to school, do something for someone else, etc.
  8. Permission to be happy despite what life and others are saying. Give your time, talent, and treasure to those who need your gifts. Turn your attention to someone else and you’ll create hope for them and for you.
  9. Permission to take some quiet time for self reflection and self-care when the noise of life get too loud in your head.
  10. Permission to do something nice for yourself - take a mini vacation, go to a movie, treat yourself to dinner, do something you always wanted to do, just enjoy life.
  11. Permission to thank yourself - look in the mirror and thank yourself for being good enough to yourself, to take back your life. 
  12. Permission to keep an open heart and be ready for hope to surprise you. Do not live in fear. Instead, choose to live with hope. Fear and worry will always come creeping in your door, but do not open the door and give then a seat in your life.
Finally, there is great benefit in  hoping. When you feel broken, that is because you have lost hope. However, if you can see the hope in what you see as a hopeless situation, hope  will let you redefine your life and with your new found hope you will gain  health, strength. and see a new meaning to life. However, you have to apply self-care. Let hope heal you. Let hope change you and let hope let you change the world.



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Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

7/23/2018

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It’s not always easy to tell at the beginning of a relationship if it will become abusive.
Domestic violence doesn’t look the same in every relationship because every relationship is different. But one thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partner. Some of the signs of an abusive relationship include a partner who:
  • Tells you that you can never do anything right
  • Shows extreme jealousy of your friends and time spent away
  • Keeps you or discourages you from seeing friends or family members
  • Insults, demeans or shames you with put-downs
  • Controls every penny spent in the household
  • Takes your money or refuses to give you money for necessary expenses
  • Looks at you or acts in ways that scare you
  • Controls who you see, where you go, or what you do
  • Prevents you from making your own decisions
  • Tells you that you are a bad parent or threatens to harm or take away your children
  • Prevents you from working or attending school
  • Destroys your property or threatens to hurt or kill your pets
  • Intimidates you with guns, knives or other weapons
  • Pressures you to have sex when you don’t want to or do things sexually you’re not comfortable with
  • Pressures you to use drugs or alcohol
You may be experiencing physical abuse if your partner has done or repeatedly does any of the following tactics of abuse:
  • Pulling your hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking you
  • Forbidding you from eating or sleeping
  • Hurting you with weapons
  • Preventing you from calling the police or seeking medical attention
  • Harming your children
  • Abandoning you in unfamiliar places
  • Driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them
  • Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol (especially if you’ve had a substance abuse problem in the past)
You may be in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship if you partner exerts control through:
  • Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you
  • Refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive
  • Trying to isolate you from family or friends
  • Monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with
  • Demanding to know where you are every minute
  • Trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving
  • Using weapons to threaten to hurt you
  • Punishing you by withholding affection
  • Threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets
  • Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
  • Humiliating you in any way
  • Blaming you for the abuse
  • Gaslighting
  • Accusing you of cheating and being often jealous of your outside relationships
  • Serially cheating on you and then blaming you for his or her behavior
  • Cheating on you intentionally to hurt you and then threatening to cheat again
  • Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than you are
  • Attempting to control your appearance: what you wear, how much/little makeup you wear, etc.
  • Telling you that you will never find anyone better, or that you are lucky to be with a person like them
Sexually abusive methods of retaining power and control include an abusive partner:
  • Forcing you to dress in a sexual way
  • Insulting you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names
  • Forcing or manipulating you into to having sex or performing sexual acts
  • Holding you down during sex
  • Demanding sex when you’re sick, tired or after hurting you
  • Hurting you with weapons or objects during sex
  • Involving other people in sexual activities with you against your will
  • Ignoring your feelings regarding sex
  • Forcing you to watch pornography
  • Purposefully trying to pass on a sexually transmitted disease to you
Sexual coercion
Sexual coercion lies on the ‘continuum’ of sexually aggressive behavior.  It can vary from being egged on and persuaded, to being forced to have contact. It can be verbal and emotional, in the form of statements that make you feel pressure, guilt, or shame. You can also be made to feel forced through more subtle actions. For example, an abusive partner:
  • Making you feel like you owe them — ex. Because you’re in a relationship, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift
  • Giving you drugs and alcohol to “loosen up” your inhibitions
  • Playing on the fact that you’re in a relationship, saying things such as: “Sex is the way to prove your love for me,” “If I don’t get sex from you I’ll get it somewhere else”
  • Reacting negatively with sadness, anger or resentment if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
  • Continuing to pressure you after you say no
  • Making you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
  • Trying to normalize their sexual expectations: ex. “I need it, I’m a man”
Even if your partner isn’t forcing you to do sexual acts against your will, being made to feel obligated is coercion in itself. Dating someone, being in a relationship, or being married never means that you owe your partner intimacy of any kind.
Reproductive coercion is a form of power and control where one partner strips the other of the ability to control their own reproductive system. It is sometimes difficult to identify this coercion because other forms of abuse are often occurring simultaneously.
Reproductive coercion can be exerted in many ways:
  • Refusing to use a condom or other type of birth control
  • Breaking or removing a condom during intercourse
  • Lying about their methods of birth control (ex. lying about having a vasectomy, lying about being on the pill)
  • Refusing to “pull out” if that is the agreed upon method of birth control
  • Forcing you to not use any birth control (ex. the pill, condom, shot, ring, etc.)
  • Removing birth control methods (ex. rings, IUDs, contraceptive patches)
  • Sabotaging birth control methods (ex. poking holes in condoms, tampering with pills or flushing them down the toilet)
  • Withholding finances needed to purchase birth control
  • Monitoring your menstrual cycles
  • Forcing pregnancy and not supporting your decision about when or if you want to have a child
  • Forcing you to get an abortion, or preventing you from getting one
  • Threatening you or acting violent if you don’t comply with their wishes to either end or continue a pregnancy
  • Continually keeping you pregnant (getting you pregnant again shortly after you give birth)
Reproductive coercion can also come in the form of pressure, guilt and shame from an abusive partner. Some examples are if your abusive partner is constantly talking about having children or making you feel guilty for not having or wanting children with them — especially if you already have kids with someone else.
Economic or financial abuse is when an abusive partner extends their power and control into the area of finances. This abuse can take different forms, including an abusive partner:
  • Giving an allowance and closely watching how you spend it or demanding receipts for purchases
  • Placing your paycheck in their bank account and denying you access to it
  • Preventing you from viewing or having access to bank accounts
  • Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you can work
  • Maxing out credit cards in your name without permission or not paying the bills on credit cards, which could ruin your credit score
  • Stealing money from you or your family and friends
  • Using funds from children’s savings accounts without your permission
  • Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
  • Making you give them your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
  • Refusing to give you money to pay for necessities/shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care and medicine
Digital abuse is the use of technologies such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated online. You may be experiencing digital abuse if your partner:
  • Tells you who you can or can’t be friends with on Facebook and other sites.
  • Sends you negative, insulting or even threatening emails, Facebook messages, tweets, DMs or other messages online.
  • Uses sites like Facebook, Twitter, foursquare and others to keep constant tabs on you.
  • Puts you down in their status updates.
  • Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands you send some in return.
  • Pressures you to send explicit videos.
  • Steals or insists on being given your passwords.
  • Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished.
  • Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls.
  • Tags you unkindly in pictures on Instagram, Tumblr, etc.
  • Uses any kind of technology (such spyware or GPS in a car or on a phone) to monitor you
You never deserve to be mistreated, online or off. Remember:
  • Your partner should respect your relationship boundaries.
  • It is ok to turn off your phone. You have the right to be alone and spend time with friends and family without your partner getting angry.
  • You do not have to text any pictures or statements that you are uncomfortable sending, especially nude or partially nude photos, known as “sexting.”
  • You lose control of any electronic message once your partner receives it. They may forward it, so don’t send anything you fear could be seen by others.
  • You do not have to share your passwords with anyone.
  • Know your privacy settings. Social networks such as Facebook allow the user to control how their information is shared and who has access to it. These are often customizable and are found in the privacy section of the site. Remember, registering for some applications (apps) require you to change your privacy settings.
  • Be mindful when using check-ins like Facebook Places and foursquare. Letting an abusive partner know where you are could be dangerous. Also, always ask your friends if it’s ok for you to check them in. You never know if they are trying to keep their location secret.
  • You have the right to feel comfortable and safe in your relationship, even online.
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    Author

    Great conversation with me on the new "Battered, Beaten, Bruised but not Broken" book, launching by September 1, 2018

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    Warning Signs Of Domestic Violence
    ​Book Your Speakers Early
    ​Healthy Coping Strategies
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